best laid plans

i’ve just created a new rule for myself:
to only ever go to bed before ten PM
under one of two circumstances,
one- i’m seriously ill
two- there is a man i love beckoning
me to bed before ten PM.
tonight, neither is the case
so i’ll stay awake and upright.
but of course, i break
my own rules from time to
time.
not this time,
perhaps some other
time.
and i remember the time
you slept in the living room
when i couldn’t sleep
just because you wanted to
be near me.
and i was an idiot
and didn’t see how
we were falling apart,
or maybe i did and i
was already too far gone
to care.
“i (only) miss you late at night,
when i can’t sleep
and get way too honest.”
but the only part
isn’t true,
i always miss you.
even when, no, especially when
you’re still standing
right in front of me
and my front door
saying goodbyes to little humans
with messy hair.

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Untitled/072416 (Everyday Inspiration, Day 5)

“I only miss you late at night when I can’t sleep and get way too honest.”

-Real Friends, Cover You Up

i think i’m over it
think i can stop reading now
i’ve played this game out
it’s not fun anymore
and i see how incredibly
fucked up it really is

the rest of the song doesn’t fit,
but that line does
i don’t think of you in the daylight
at least not often
but come ten PM
you’re on my mind

and i’m just a stupid girl
with a stupid crush
on a stranger
and there’s another line
that fits me well:

“i’ll keep sleeping sideways
in my empty bed
to fill the lonely space,
i’m just a kid
with too much lonely space”