My heart beats faster
Than it should
As i lay next to you
And i notice a change in your breath
It’s ’cause we both know we want more
Than just laying next to each other
And we know we’ll give in
To a certain point
Suddenly your lips are nearly touching
And you make no move to move away
And i ask you if you wish you could kiss me
You take a few nervous breaths
Before you answer-
Yes and more (i’m paraphrasing)
And then we let everything happen
Except the kiss
And everything else you said
Like all the little things you do
How you ask me how i’m doing
How you encourage me to get out of bed
How you let me know when you’ll be home
How you celebrate my small wins
Though those are even few and far between
i lose more than i win
And i forget to see
Your micro love
And all that you do for me
True love isn’t in the grand gestures
It’s in the everyday ones
And in the way you softly say,
we swallow the things that hurt us most
and if we never spit them out
they could kill us
but most of us choose to force them down
chase them with whatever vice comes to hand easiest
and even when presented with a way
to release them
we still choose to hold every ounce of
them deep within ourselves
they burn holes in our guts
and eat away at our hearts
like battery acid
eaten by a stupid puppy dog
who was too dumb not to
even though everyone told her it was poison
and to stay far away from it
lest she die
from swallowing all the dangerous things
it’s like we don’t even speak the same
like we’re strangers
who’ve always known each other
but pretend not to
because being true
telling the truth
we would risk getting hurt
i used to be able to take that risk with
used to let you in
but maybe i did it for the wrong reason
i thought if i let you in
that you would do the same for me
how do i let go
of wanting you to love me?
And suddenly I loved you.
I know I should have always,
I just didn’t though.
You loved me too soon
and I loved you too late.
If only we could have met in the middle.
And suddenly we are finding out what we mean
to each other.
I can’t hear the truth because it will break
I hold on too tight;
teach me to let go.
Do you ever wonder what would have happened
if we could have made it work?
If we really had tried everything?
We gave up too soon, I know that.
And I still wonder if it will be me and you
I have hope.
And I’ll always carry that hope,
in my backpack full of bricks,
that I’ll save because they’re ours
to build on.
I’m strong enough to carry more,
more than these bricks and more than my hope;
tell me everything and I’ll carry your tears
next to your joy.
I hope you wonder about me,
I hope you carry hope.
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