i forgive you…

i forgive you for being angry at her
i forgive you for gossiping about her
i forgive you for assuming things about her
i know you forget that you don’t really know her

i forgive you for not always loving R
i forgive you for sometimes hating R
i forgive you for not trying harder
i forgive you for giving up on me
i forgive you for not always loving me

i forgive you for not being a good mom
i forgive you for resenting your children
i forgive you for wishing you weren’t a mom
i forgive you for hitting J
i forgive you for neglecting T

i forgive you for blaming R
i forgive you for thinking it was his fault
i forgive you for being angry at him
i forgive you for struggling to forgive him

i forgive you for hating your hometown
i forgive you for talking badly about your father
i forgive you for not feeling attached to him
i forgive you for thinking badly about your mother

i forgive you for your suicidal thoughts
i forgive you for your dreams of running away
i forgive you for your need for attention
i forgive you for your flirting
i forgive you for your asocial behavior

i forgive you

i could go on all night
forgiving you
could spend the rest of my life
forgiving you

forgiving myself

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Once or Twice

If everything could just go right
for an hour or two,
it would be Friday night
and you’d say hi instead of hey.
You’d show up early
and say we need to talk.
It’d be just warm enough
to walk a few blocks.
You wouldn’t apologize,
wouldn’t say leaving was a mistake.
You’d boldly tell me you have no regrets,
but still you miss me.
I’d tell you I love you
as our hands collide.
Accidentally on purpose.
You’d lace your fingers into mine,
close the distance between us
before I can breathe twice.
But you wouldn’t kiss my lips,
you’d trace them with your thumb.
“I love you” you’d say.
We’d stand like this
while the world continues on without us.
We’d both forget to blink
as everything we’ve never said
passes between us in the silence.
Our souls would admit
what our minds too often denied.
And if nothing made sense after that,
I’d still walk away happy.