Frantic (041918)

My heart beats faster

Than it should

As i lay next to you

And i notice a change in your breath

It’s ’cause we both know we want more

Than just laying next to each other

And we know we’ll give in

To a certain point

Suddenly your lips are nearly touching

My lips

And you make no move to move away

And i ask you if you wish you could kiss me

You take a few nervous breaths

Before you answer-

Yes and more (i’m paraphrasing)

And then we let everything happen

Except the kiss

And everything else you said

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Micro

Like all the little things you do

How you ask me how i’m doing

How you encourage me to get out of bed

How you let me know when you’ll be home

How you celebrate my small wins

Though those are even few and far between

i lose more than i win

Always failing

And i forget to see

Your micro love

And all that you do for me

True love isn’t in the grand gestures

It’s in the everyday ones

And in the way you softly say,

“hey”

Swallow

we swallow the things that hurt us most

and if we never spit them out

they could kill us

but most of us choose to force them down

chase them with whatever vice comes to hand easiest

and even when presented with a way

to release them

we still choose to hold every ounce of

them deep within ourselves

they burn holes in our guts

and eat away at our hearts

like battery acid

eaten by a stupid puppy dog

who was too dumb not to

even though everyone told her it was poison

and to stay far away from it

lest she die

from swallowing all the dangerous things

 

Foreign (041018)

it’s like we don’t even speak the same

language anymore

like we’re strangers

who’ve always known each other

but pretend not to

because being true

telling the truth

we would risk getting hurt

i used to be able to take that risk with

you

used to let you in

but maybe i did it for the wrong reason

i thought if i let you in

that you would do the same for me

always expectations

how do i let go

of wanting you to love me?

Suddenly (031018)

And suddenly I loved you.

I know I should have always,

I just didn’t though.

You loved me too soon

and I loved you too late.

If only we could have met in the middle.

And suddenly we are finding out what we mean

to each other.

I can’t hear the truth because it will break

my heart

my hope

my “us”.

I hold on too tight;

teach me to let go.

Jack and the Skyscraper

you’re an expert at everything
amazing at every job since 17
you can pick up anything
just like it’s a penny
off the sidewalk

but there is a thing that
you are no good at
and it’s knowing you’re being used
and manipulated
i know because you never saw
what i was doing to you

but bring it back around
and you’ll see i’m an expert too
at thinking i know everything
and assuming things about people
a skill more trouble
than it’s worth

In response to Expert.

August 27th

i don’t count much in this category
but the “almost”s number up
there was the time i almost walked away
into nothingness
not caring if you ever found me
there was the time i almost gave it away
to someone i didn’t even love
not caring what might happen next
there was the time i almost quit school
again
not caring if i’m ever anything more
than helpless

eight years ago today though
i did not make a mistake
i did not make the biggest mistake of my life
eight years ago today tonight
i spent my first hours with you
i will always look back on that night
as the night everything changed

and six years later
everything changed again
and i can’t count that
as a mistake either
because that would mean
that i regret
and to regret would be to be
unhappy

so here’s to non-mistakes
and to second chances
chances i’ve stolen and
chances you’ve given me

i pray for us nightly
and you shatter my hopes weekly
but it’s okay
i still love you

In response to Mistake.

details

sometimes i look at them
and i think they are
little versions of us
T looks more like me
and J like you
but for the eyes and lips
T has full lips like you
J’s thin like mine
the eyes don’t make sense though
they’re brown, as are yours
but yours have no green
the way our boys’ do
and a funny thing about eyes:
i read (or maybe heard) once
that they are already full sized
the day a person is born
so maybe they look like
a miniature me and a miniature you
but there is nothing
miniature about their
ever-changing yet never-changing
green-browns that pierce my heart

In response to Miniature.