R: “Okay. We can do that.”

we had a beautiful conversation,
it was the middle of the night
and you wanted to know
what my intentions are.
i was only gonna ask you
about work and tell you
more about the boys’ day
but instead you spilled
your heart and caught me
so off guard, i struggled
to say anything back
that would matter
even half as much
as your words.
though i doubt you knew
how much they meant to me.
i wonder if you call me
a friend.
would you introduce me
as “my ex-wife, bree,”
“my sons’ mom, bree,”
or “my friend, bree”?
maybe you’d just say
my name, without a title.
i think i’d like that.
i can’t remember the last time
you said my name.

let me count

sometimes i try to count
all that i miss about you
it is a task too much
a list too long

your smile and lips
your shirtless chest-
you stretched the other day
a tattoo peeked from under t-shirt

it’s more than your body
you’re slow on your back
but you’re quick on your feet
witty and funny too

a text from me to you:
“J just told me he saw you
feed milk to a chicken a long time ago
and the chicken exploded.”

your response back to me:
“Probably whole milk.
2% doesn’t usually do that to chickens
just geese.”

i even miss your car
and seeing you ice skate,
your grease-covered hands
and your sleepy eyes at ten a.m.

*In response to Craving.

seven fifteen

first thing this AM
my phone starts talking
“message from C”
my heart jumped
how do guys do this?

crazy girl texts you
rambles on
you probably think she’s weird
and then you text her
“well if you ever need to talk
just hit me up”

maybe guys only do it to me
i don’t know
but he basically conveyed
this message
“even though you’re crazy,
we’re friends”

i’ll try not to text him again
but this is a small town
and if i run into him
what will he say?
like most he won’t hold
my crazy against me

even though H swears i’m jaded
i know i’m not
i’d risk almost everything for C
if only i had the courage
and only in a world
where R does not exist

*In response to Connected.

Only Humans

If God planned it all,
then this is part of the plan too.

That means God knew
we’d have these methods of communication
and how easy it would be
for someone to prevent
two people from having an exchange
of innocent words
whose purpose
was nothing more than co-parenting.

Could someone really be that insecure
that they’d prevent a mom
from checking on her sons
because they’re worried
they could lose a lover
the same way they got one?

Only God knows.

Bond, Insecure Bond

You make me insecure.
I hate that.
Well maybe not hate,
but I don’t like it.
Scratch that,
you don’t “make me”
I choose how I feel.
But I spent half a day
checking my phone
and wondering when
it stopped being okay
to joke with you.
Turns out you were just busy.
How many times
have my insecurities
made more out of a situation
than what it was?
Like the time
your parents tried
to keep us apart
and the stupid things
I did
that made it easy for them.
Make me secure again.
Well, I mean,
you know what I mean.